I Wish You Could Have Stayed
by abiholmes97
Summary: My take on the end of Series 4 of Murdoch Mysteries. Updated to the 1980's.
**I wish you could have stayed- A Julia and William Story**

 _How I needed you  
How I grieve now you're gone  
In my dreams I see you  
I awake so alone  
I know you didn't want to leave  
Your heart yearned to stay  
But the strength I always loved in you  
Finally gave way_

One Last Goodbye by Anathema

William Murdoch was on his way down to the morgue. Oddly for such a grim place, this is where he spent a lot of his time, due to the fact that his girlfriend was the coroner there and it was their place to meet. He hummed a little tune as his feet paced out the familiar path the Julia Ogden's office. He was happy. He had accepted the fact that the love of his life had had an abortion which went fully against his principles and beliefs and they had moved on. He had accepted where they were and more important who they were as individuals and together.  
He was walking down the corridor to the morgue when he heard Julia's voice on the phone.

"Doctor Francis? Yes, I did get your letter. Yes, tomorrow evening would be perfect. Ok, see you then. Bye."

William was puzzled. Still he accepted that Julia was a competetent woman, fully capable of living her own life and it wasn't like she was solely his.  
He rapped his knuckles on the door to announce his presence. Julia looked up from her notes.

"Oh, hello William." She said, almost in a surprised tone.

"Afternoon Julia," he replied, "Do you have anything for me?"

"Just the final post-mortem report on the Dowager case." She replied, handing him a file.

"Thanks." Said William, taking the folder.

There was a moment's pause.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, William?" she asked, looking back down at her notes.

"Would you fancy going for dinner tomorrow evening, Julia. I hear there is a lecture on Astrophysics at the Grand Theatre and I know you would enjoy it…"

"I have plans, William. A fellow doctor of mine has asked that I join him for dinner in order to discuss something that has recently come to life."

"Oh, how about a stroll, then, in the park at lunchtime."

"That would be pleasant, William. I look forward to it."

William smiled and went to kiss Julia. She turned her head so that William had to kiss her on the cheek. All in all the affair was rather awkward, thought William as he walked back to the Station House. Something was definitely up and Julia wasn't telling him.

 _Somehow I knew you would leave me this way  
Somehow I knew you could never… never stay  
And in the early morning light  
After a silent peaceful night  
You took my heart away  
And I grieve_

One Last Goodbye by Anathema

Lunch the next day came around in no time. William was still in his clothes from work and Julia was dressed smart as she had been in court that morning. William walked down to the morgue and met Julia there. They walked in silence to the park. It was uncomfortable, William noted as they walked arm in arm through the park. The park was a metropolis of people that afternoon. William was not in the least bit surprised as it was lunchtime and a pleasant and sunny afternoon. William smiled and tipped his hat to people he knew. There were a fair few constables out from the various station houses around the city.  
William led them to a bench which overlooked a lake. The sun glistened off the surface and made the water sparkle. William's mind drifted to when the couple had gone down to Lake Ontario and had ran into the cold waters and gone swimming. Julia was a confident swimmer and as a result William was out of his depth in no time and fell victim to Julia ducking him and splashing him.  
He was drawn back to reality by the sound of Julia's voice. She was talking to him.

"Sorry Julia, my mind was elsewhere." He said, turning his attentions back to the woman he loved.

"I realised that, William," she replied, a ghost of a smile crossing her face, "What has that brilliant mind of yours so occupied?"

"I was thinking back to Lake Ontario last year." He replied, looking out across the Lake in front of him.

"Ah yes," replied Julia, definitely smiling this time, "That was a very fun outing."

"I agree." He replied.

There was a pause.

"Julia, are you concerned about my relationship with the Dowager?" He asked suddenly. "Is that why there is this wedge between us?"

"What?" asked Julia, startled by the sudden question. "No. William it has nothing to do with that."

"Then what is it Julia? Please. This silence between us, it is driving me mad."

Julia sighed. She knew William. Knew that once he had the bit between his teeth he wouldn't stop questioning until he knew the truth. The truth in this case that would break his heart.

"I have been meaning to talk to you about this for a while. But there never seemed to be a right time. Until now, I suppose." She looked at him, "I have been considering a new job." She explained.

"A new job?" he replied looking at her. "Julia, you could have told me." William looked puzzled.

"I know."

"What is this new job?"

"I have been offered a position at a new children's hospital as head of paediatric surgery."

"Oh. I hadn't heard of a new children's hospital opening Toronto."

"That's because it's not in Toronto." She looked over the lake. "It's in Seattle."

"Seattle?" he looked at her. "I don't understand."

"William, there aren't many career opportunities for a woman like me. I'm the only one left in my class still cutting up cadavers. The Hippocratic oath was wasted on me."

"Julia, there are a hundred good doctors on this city. But no one can do what you can do." He argued, clutching at straws. "Julia you have a gift!"

"I know. And I thank you for saying that. But the fact is I am a doctor not a detective." She replied.

"But why Seattle?" asked William "Why not stay here?"

"Because no one is offering me anything here."

"That could change." William looked at her.

"Do you really believe that William?" She looked back

And silence descended upon the couple.

 _In my dreams I can see you  
I can tell you how I feel  
In my dreams I can hold you  
And it feels so real  
I still feel the pain  
I still feel your love  
I still feel the pain  
I still feel your love_

One Last Goodbye by Anathema

William was laying on his bed that night, thinking things over. He still had this feeling that Julia wasn't telling him the whole truth. Something was bothering the good doctor and she felt that the best way out was to leave. He just couldn't understand why. Agreed, there had been a bit of tension between them when Julia had informed him of her abortion that she had had during college but they had agreed to put that behind him. William wondered if it was his piety and his reluctance to engage in a sexual relationship. He shook his head. Julia knew and understood his religious beliefs and had even told him that she loved him because of it. William sighed and turned over. Not sure of anything in his life. He knew he was in for a restless night.  
The next morning dawned bright and sunny. William rode through the streets of Toronto on his bicycle- he never understood why people drove everywhere, especially on days like this. He arrived at Station House No.4 with plenty of time to spare before his day officially started. He went to his office and picked up a bit of chalk off the table. (Yes, he still used a chalk board. He felt it was more authentic somehow). He wrote _Julia_ in the centre and drew arrows coming off the board. William was a visual thinker. Although he had been told that he had a remarkable mind but he understood more and could think better when he had it all in front of him. Lost in his thoughts he didn't hear Brackenreid enter his office.

"Murdoch, me old mucker," he said, startling William. "What are you doing?"

"N-nothing sir." He replied, flipping the board over.

"Hmm." Replied the Inspector, unconvinced. "And another question, we finished the Dowager case, so what are you doing here? You could be having a day off."

"I wanted to get some paperwork done." He replied, not meeting the Inspector's eye.

Brackenreid nodded. "Very good, Murdoch. I'll be in my office then." He looked at the Detective curiously for a minute, then walked across the bullpen to his office. William went over to his desk and sat down. He became lost in thought once more. He just couldn't comprehend why Julia would leave Toronto. Her life was here, her friends and family. He was here. Was she going to up and leave all of that to go to Seattle? And if she did, what would happen to them? They both had working lives with schedules that often clashed. It was hard in Toronto, where they worked in buildings next to each other, to make time to see each other. What was it going to be like when she lived in a city 5 hours by plane away? Would they survive? William sighed. It just didn't bear thinking about.

Around one in the afternoon, William walked across to the morgue to see Julia. He just needed clarity. He needed to understand what was going on. His mind was all over the place as he walked down to the morgue. Still, he thought, what's the worst that could happen? Julia and I, we've been through a lot and we're still ok. He convinced himself that all would be fine and he pushed open the doors to the morgue.  
Julia was sat at her desk, her long blonde hair kept back in a messy plait that fell over one shoulder. She was twiddling a pencil in her hand, deep in thought. William knocked on the window.

"William!" she said in shock, "I have nothing for you." She reminded him.

"I- I know that Julia." He looked embarrassed. "I wanted to see you."

"Oh," she replied, curiously, "What can I do for you Detective?"

"Why Seattle?" he asked again.

Julia sighed. "William we've been over this. I'm going to Seattle because I need a change and I actually want to heal people, children."

"But, I don't understand. What will happen to us?" he asked.

Julia stood up. "I don't know William. We could see each other at the weekends and our holidays."

"But what about if our jobs conflict with that? What if I can't make it to you or you can't make it to me?"

"William, I don't know what will happen. Maybe we will stay together. Maybe we won't. Maybe you'll find another woman who you'll love."

"Julia, nothing in this world means more to me than you."

"William I-"

"And I believed you felt the same about me."

"William I do."

"Then I simply don't understand. There must be something you aren't telling me. Why are you leaving?" William put heavy emphasis on that line.

Julia looked away.

"Julia, please. I have to know." He pleaded her.

"Very well. Since the kidnapping of young Tommy Brackenreid, it's been clear to me how much you want a family," She could feel her voice breaking. "But my abortion-"

"That means nothing to me, we've put it in the past." He interrupted

"William, it left me sterile." She stated, looking at him. She could see the tears forming in his eyes.

"I-I should have told you before. But I-I was frightened. Frightened of losing you… to something I couldn't control. So I decided to assert control myself." Tears were forming in her own eyes now.

"By leaving?"

"William, it's for the best."

She looked at him.

"Well, isn't it? This way you can find a woman who will give you the life you deserve."

William looked stunned at this last statement. He didn't want any old woman, he wanted Julia. No one else would be right. He loved Julia, loved her until it hurt.

"William, say something." Said Julia softly.

It had transpired that he had said all of this in his head. Not thinking straight he said: "I don't know what to say."

"Yes. Well that says it all. Doesn't it."

 _And somehow I knew you could never, never stay  
And somehow I knew you would leave me  
And in the early morning light  
After a Silent peaceful night  
You took my heart away  
I wished, I wished you could have stayed_

One Last Goodbye by Anathema.

William was stood outside the jewellery shop in town. He had just made a purchase that he hoped would be beneficial to himself and the Doctor. Why he hadn't thought of this before, he didn't know. All he knew now was he had to stop her from leaving and convince her to stay. As William went to get his bicycle, his mind wondered:

 _He was walking to the morgue. A path he knew well. Julia was at her desk, packing its contents into a brief case. He walked up to her. She looked up, feeling his presence._

" _William," she said, "I wasn't expecting to see you."_

" _Julia, I don't care that you can't have children." He began._

" _William, wh-"_

" _We can adopt! There are plenty of children in this city who need a family. Just, please…" he got down on one knee._

 _Julia gasped._

" _Please, say you'll marry me!"_

 _Julia didn't need to stop and think. "Yes! Yes! Of course I'll marry you!" and the two of them embraced in a kiss._

William smiled. He placed the ring in his pocket and rode off to the morgue.

He ran down the corridor with a smile on his face.

"Julia?" he called when he got to the lab.

"She's gone." Replied a voice. It was an elderly man, stood where she should have been stood.

"Gone?" he replied. "Gone where?"

"To the train." He replied, like it was obvious. "And who are you?"

But William didn't stay to answer. He was running back down the corridor, back to his bike. If he hadn't spent as much time daydreaming, he could have been at the morgue earlier and he wouldn't be racing against the clock to get to her. Brackenreid always said he was a dozy head.

Meanwhile at the train station, Julia was picking up her bags on the station. Her train had just pulled in and she was walking over to the compartment as slowly as she could. She was hoping against hope that William would show up and win her back. Her foot was on the step. No, she thought, wait for him, he will come. But there was no sign of him. Her head was telling her to climb the steps against her hearts wishes.

William was pedalling as fast as he could, his heart in his throat. He was willing himself on, he had to get there. He had to be with Julia.

The conductor blew his whistle. Julia knew then it was too late. William wasn't coming. He wasn't going to convince her to stay. He had let fate win. With a sigh, she composed herself and climbed the rest of the way into the carriage. She sat down in a seat, feeling quite alone. With a jerk, the train started and pulled away from Toronto, her life, her home. A single tear fell down her face.

William jumped off his bike and he pelted his way on to the platform. His eyes saw what his heart feared. The train, the train he was meant to stop was pulling away from the platform. His eyes scanned the platform, looking for Julia in case it was the wrong train, but in his heart he knew it wasn't.

No.

"JULIA!" he yelled.

His heart broke.

THE END


End file.
